with Lauren Krueger
“You really should check out these otters!” “The King of the Jungle is a truly impressive creature, and we’re not telling an untruth!” “Our pandas are so cute, it’s almost too much to handle!” “These are just the best darned beavers!” “Snowy, Spectacled, Great Horned, Eastern Screech... all on display!” “You’ll find our giraffes in this area of the woods over here!” “Our farm animals are in back. You—yes, you—will want to go to there! Don’t be docile, meek, or timid!” “Well, well, well... what’s in our large aquatic mammal tank?” “Have you noticed our leopards yet?” “To say this fast-running, flightless African bird is amazing isn’t much of an exaggeration at all!” “Look at our incredibly rare Vulpes vulpes necator, for fuck’s sake!”
Matthew David Brozik wrote this and many other short humor pieces, which have been published in print and online by The New Yorker, Adult Swim, McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, Grin & Tonic, The Big Jewel, and no one.